Congruence Counseling Group

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5 Tips For Self-Care

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“Self-care” can be a bit of an elusive term. Wellness culture often markets self-care with photos of bubble baths, candles, or sitting in nature. But what does it mean to actually practice nurturing yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally? 

Below are some self-care tips, habits and mindsets to begin your self-care journey!

  1. Consider Your Schedule 

Reflect on what you sacrifice when your stress levels rise. If you have a tough week at work, what do you forgo for yourself? Is it sleep? Is it meal prepping? Is it canceling your daily walk or skipping reading before bed to get more work done? 

Try to re-order your tasks around a few small things that you know you need for your own sanity. For example, maybe meal-prepping and eating healthy is something you depend on to feel your best. So, on specific days early in the week you limit your availability past a certain time of the evening. Then, you designate that time, on those days, for prepping a week’s worth of healthy food. Or, maybe your phone goes on do-not-disturb an hour before bed regardless of what you have going on so you have time to wind down and get the full 8 hours you need to perform your best. 

  1. Keep In Mind: You Are Important

Remember that other people’s expectations are not bigger or more important than what you need for yourself. In our day and age, technology has enabled a culture of availability. Quick, easy modes of communication have made us believe we must be accessible to everyone, all the time. This is not the case. To take care of yourself, your needs and relationship with yourself must be a priority. It’s difficult to deliver for others if you do not treat self-care as a worthwhile endeavor. 

  1.  Know Your Intangible Worth 

Because “grind” culture messaging tells us that our worth is equal to our productivity, self-care can sometimes feel silly because it doesn’t “produce” anything tangible. But your energy levels and well-being, which you need for productivity, become increased when you build in time for relaxation or fun. Remember that productivity relies on building your stores of physical and social energy by spending time on hobbies or even time doing nothing. Doing nothing is so important sometimes, but very beneficial! 

  1.  Get organized 

A clear mind needs clear space. If your things are orderly, your calendar is orderly, and you can visualize the days ahead of you, your mind will have more space for more things. Your capacity for tasks, conversations, and new opportunities will grow! See our article on decluttering your space here. 

  1.  Find your outlets 

Each week, find a way to both be active and relax. Plan it into your schedule. Maybe it’s a walk or run and then a certain TV show, or a hike on the weekend and crafting one night after work. Either way, find one or two things that you can do during the week that you enjoy and slowly work them into your schedule as priorities. Hopefully, this will add some elements of joy and some important recharging time into your week. 

References

Davis, Tchiki. “Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself.” Psychology Today, 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself.

Mental Health America. “Taking Good Care of Yourself.” Mental Health America, mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself.

Demystifying The Language of Therapy

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Demystifying the Language of Therapy

Therapy might seem daunting, and that’s to be expected! It might seem like there is a whole other world of feeling language and phrases used in healing spaces that aren’t commonly used in everyday speech.  We are here to help you demystify the language of therapy, by breaking down some of the terms we commonly use in the therapy space. 

Radical Acceptance 

 Radical acceptance is different from everyday acceptance. Radical acceptance means consciously trying to accept an outcome you are struggling to move past (a certain event, trauma, or loss). 

For example, in an oversimplified analogy, you might find yourself in a situation where a partner has broken up with you. Lack of acceptance might involve thinking things like, “this isn’t fair,” “this shouldn’t have happened,” “this should have played out differently,” “why is this happening to me,” etc. Your relationship to the event is defined by refusing to accept what happened or being unable to let go of how something happened. Practicing radical acceptance will guide you toward a thinking pattern that more closely resembles, “this event happened, now what does this mean for my life, my emotional state, or my perception of myself?” 

Radical acceptance is not the same as forgiveness or excusing trauma or abuse as “okay.” It is not applicable in any situation that is abusive or dangerous. Instead, radical acceptance is coming to terms with something and leaning into healing with the acceptance that whatever has happened cannot be changed. 

Doing the Work: 

Doing the work refers to each person having their own emotional work to do depending on their individual circumstances. For example, working with a therapist on learning to live in the present, taking stock of your emotions and sorting through experiences to process them in a healthy way. This might also look like reevaluating your lifestyle, work environment, relationships, etc. and reflecting upon the boundaries or what is/isn’t serving you. In the context of relationships, “doing the work” might involve learning how to pause and consider how you respond to different triggers or how to react to those around you in more productive ways. It almost always involves sitting in some discomfort, but the goal is to get closer to yourself and develop a more fulfilling lifestyle. 

Holding Space: 

Holding space means being present for someone in an emotional, physical, and mental capacity. The person in that space can then process, acknowledge, and experience their emotions as fully as possible. You can do this for yourself or someone else. Your therapist does this for you at every session! This is an active process of being an engaged and empathetic listener. 

A critical part of holding space is reserving judgment and facing that person (or yourself) with compassion, love, and kindness, as well as leaving expectations at the door. This allows the space to be genuinely vulnerable and honest. If you are holding space for someone, you would avoid asserting your advice over their healing process and allow them to be as they are. Holding space isn’t a time for centering yourself, unless you’re doing it for yourself or someone else is holding space for you. It isn’t a time for problem solving, it is a space to just be. 

Cognitive Reframing: 

Reframing is a tool and therapeutic technique used for providing alternative mindsets and viewing difficult situations in new ways. If a negative thought pattern persists, it can be helpful to find a new view of the situation at hand. The reframe may be more neutral or more positive in nature. Reframing can make a conflict be it internal or external, clearer and easier to approach. Imagine someone has lost their job or a potential employment opportunity didn’t work out. Reframing might involve thinking, “What has this experience taught me about myself and others? What doors have been opened as a result of this one closing?” It also may involve challenging negative thoughts that the person may have about themselves and their experience. 

To clarify, this does not mean invalidating someone’s experience and telling them to just “be more positive.” Reframing requires readiness to see from a different viewpoint, that also comes from the person doing the work, not necessarily the therapist or another person involved. Offering an alternative perspective must involve compassionately recognizing the validity of where one’s emotional state is at any given moment.  

References

Clark, Arthur. “Reframing: A Therapeutic Technique in Group Counseling.” The Journal for Specialists in Group Work, vol. 23, no. 1, 31 Jan. 2008. Taylor & Francis Online.

Cuncic, Arlin. “What Is Radical Acceptance?” Verywell Mind, 26 May 2021, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-radical-acceptance-5120614.

Hall, Karyn. “Radical Acceptance.” Psychology Today, 8 July 2012, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance.

Hanson, Aniesa. “What “Doing the Work” in Therapy Looks Like.” Aniesa Hanson Counseling – Tampa Counseling, 16 July 2019, aniesahanson.com/what-doing-the-work-in-therapy-looks-like/#:~:text=Here%27s%20what%20%E2%80%9CDoing%20The%20Work%E2%80%9D%20may%20look%20like%20in%20therapy%3A&text=Knowing%20how%20observe%20all%20of.

Morin, Amy. “How Cognitive Reframing Is Used in Mental Health.” Verywell Mind, 2019, www.verywellmind.com/reframing-defined-2610419.

Taylor, Melanie. “What It Really Means to Hold Space for Yourself.” Life of Wellness Institute, 12 Sept. 2018, www.lifeofwellness.ca/2018/09/12/what-it-really-means-to-hold-space-for-yourself/.

Vora, Ellen. “What It Means to “Do the Work.”” Ellen Vora, MD, 5 Feb. 2020, ellenvora.com/what-it-means-to-do-the-work/.

“What “Holding Space” Means + 5 Tips to Practice.” G&STC, Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center: The Psychotherapy Group, 17 Jan. 2021, www.gstherapycenter.com/blog/2020/1/16/what-holding-space-means-5-tips-to-practice#:~:text=%E2%80%9CHolding%20space%E2%80%9D%20means%20being%20physically.

BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month

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Heavy, misunderstood, traumatizing, challenging, layered, confusing, unfair, unjust, draining. These words can be used to describe the lived experiences of Black people, Indigenous people, and People of Color. Our experience isn’t just about our individual lives, families of origin and procreation, and the community that we “choose” to live in. No. Our experiences are influenced by systemic injustices, years of oppression, and overt and covert discrimination.  This July, and every month of the year for that matter, it is imperative that we honor the experiences of Black, Indigenous, and all People of Color here in America.  

As opposed to ladling you with the alarming statistics about how suicide, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and alcoholism are continuing to soar in these communities, including the children of our communities, I’m going to share with you ways that we can rally, retreat, support, care for, and uplift one another toward better mental health! Let’s change the narrative from hopeless to healed!

  1. Understand that systemic and generational trauma has an impact on your life. Then you can better choose how to heal, moving from surviving to thriving. 
  2. Putting your own oxygen mask on first is not selfish, it is self-preservation. Taking care of your own mind, body, soul, and spirit will equip you to care for others in your community more effectively. This includes setting boundaries, practicing self-care, being honest with your own wants and needs. 
  3. Do things that spark joy in your life. What makes you laugh, dance, sing, create? What inspires you? Whatever it is, make space for it often. 
  4. Celebrate and support one another. We have been taught that there is only space for one person of color in many arenas that we show up in. This is not true. See beyond what you have been taught and told that was born out of oppression and fear. See that there is space and help others find their own space too. 
  5. Process your thoughts and feelings. This can be done in the safety of therapy. There is great power in the therapeutic process. Allowing someone else to hold space for you, bear witness to your story, and journey with you to make meaning and gain clarity is tremendously healing. 

We, at Congruence Counseling Group, see you and hear you! If you need a safe space to process, talk, explore, engage, we are here for you!  

“I’m Not Anxious” – Misconceptions About Anxiety

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While anxiety is a big overarching category for an array of mental health conditions, this post will address the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or GAD. To provide a frame of reference, GAD can manifest as: 

  • Frequent, persistent worry
  • Inability to let go of worry
  • Interpreting everyday situations as threatening or immediately jumping to worst case scenarios
  • Feeling constantly on edge, restless, or tense 
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Irritability
  • Finding that your mind will go blank in high-pressure situations 
  • Insomnia or nausea
  • In younger people, perfectionism, excessive time spent on school-related tasks, and seeking approval from peers and mentors to an extreme degree can also be an indicator of anxiety

Anxiety is sometimes misunderstood as stress. Plus, admitting to those around you that you are feeling “stressed” might feel easier–stress is far less stigmatized. Stress and anxiety do overlap as well, since stress can trigger similar physical symptoms. But the key differentiator between stress and anxiety is that stress is often caused by an external factor (like a short term work deadline or a long term personal relationship) while anxiety is triggered by an internal fear or worry. 

Anxiety can be misunderstood in a variety of ways: 

  • Anxiety is frequently stigmatized as a feeling of weakness or lack of control over one’s emotions. Yet, taking concrete steps to confront your anxiety and discuss your experience takes a great deal of honesty, resolve, and emotional self-directedness. 
  • As a culture that tends to value individualism and being self-motivated, we are prone to dismissing those who experience anxiety as simply “needing to relax,” or “take a deep breath.” This type of dismissal minimizes someone’s experience, causes embarrassment, or makes their attempt at managing the anxiety more difficult. Yes, there are breathing techniques that help reduce anxiety, but simply “taking a deep breath” or “chilling out” is often not enough to help reduce symptoms.
  • Anxiety is not always obvious. It might crop up in the form of spiraling through worst case scenarios, or cause you to feel internally on edge, etc. But just because your symptoms aren’t directly visible to others doesn’t mean your experience should be dismissed. There are anxiety-based disorders that may be more physically obvious, like a panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or phobias, but even these manifest differently and with different triggers depending on each person. You know your experience best, and there are professionals available to accompany you on your personal journey 

Just because you haven’t been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder does not mean that you do not experience anxiety. And, if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, this does not mean your life is defined by this diagnosis. Having the tools to manage anxiety can help your quality of life, and CCG can help you develop the right strategies for your individual needs.

References 

Markway, Barbara. “5 Things People Misunderstand about Anxiety | Psychology Today.” Www.psychologytoday.com, 30 Nov. 2017, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201711/5-things-people-misunderstand-about-anxiety. Accessed 18 July 2022.

Mayo Clinic. “Generalized Anxiety Disorder – Symptoms and Causes.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Clinic, 2017, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/generalized-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20360803.

National Institute of Mental Health. “Anxiety Disorders.” Nih.gov, National Institute of Mental Health, 2019, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders.

NHS. “Get Help with Stress.” Nhs.uk, NHS, 2 Feb. 2021, www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/stress/.

Walking Meditation

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The Buddhist tradition has incorporated walking meditation as a form of mindfulness for centuries. Sitting meditation often focuses on the breath while walking meditation asks that we pay attention to our body’s movement as a focal point (though breathing can be a component). Walking meditation is a type of mindfulness self-care that can have full body benefits and a few separate focuses, depending on the intention you begin your practice with. 

To help ground yourself in your practice, you can begin with a topic in mind. Maybe you’ll begin with wanting to connect with nature, or because you simply want to relax. Maybe you’re trying to refocus, slow down a racing, worried mind, or pinpoint where your physical or emotional pain is coming from by turning all your attention to your body.

To begin a walking meditation, it’s recommended that you have a finite area of space to move within. You can situate yourself in your backyard, an outdoor path of any kind, or indoors in an uncluttered room or hallway. You can also incorporate this exercise into short walks throughout the day, like your walk from your office desk to the bathroom, or the walk to your car from work. For this exercise, you are walking to be aware, not walking to reach any particular destination. 

First, turn off any electronics, and take stock of your environment and your thoughts

  • What have you done so far today? 
  • What has your emotional state been like? 
  • What does the energy in this space feel like? 
  • Do you feel at home here, or clear-headed? 

Begin with one foot, being aware of the sensation of each component of your step. 

Then, be aware of your foot touching the ground, and your full range of motion. 

  • What does contact with the ground feel like? 
  • Where do your muscles tense, and where do they relax? 

If you are outdoors, you can monitor the feeling of the wind on your skin and whether it is warm or cool. Often we think about the motion of going for a walk and feeling accomplished at the end, but what does it feel like for your body to be aware of  each individual motion of walking? 

Your thoughts might wander, and that is okay! Simply acknowledge that thoughts have slipped in, and refocus on your breathing. You can access walking meditation scripts, like this one, or even find podcasts that will walk you through guided questions. 

There are an array of health benefits to routine walking meditation. If you’re someone who sits down for hours of the day at work, walking meditation increases blood flow throughout your body. It also helps food move through your digestive system. In terms of mental health, studies have shown routine walking meditations helped both alleviate anxiety and depression, as well as stimulate creativity. 

Meditation can be for everyone and practiced in any form that works best for you! 

References

“A Beginner’s Guide to Walking Meditation.” Chopra, Mindfulness Exercises, 1 Aug. 2019, chopra.com/articles/a-beginners-guide-to-walking-meditation. Accessed 16 June 2022.

Cronkleton, Emily. “Walking Meditation’s 10 Benefits for Mood, Sleep & More.” Healthline, 1 Apr. 2020, www.healthline.com/health/walking-meditation#digestion.

Prakhinkit, Susaree, et al. “Effects of Buddhism Walking Meditation on Depression, Functional Fitness, and Endothelium-Dependent Vasodilation in Depressed Elderly.” The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, vol. 20, no. 5, May 2014, pp. 411–416, 10.1089/acm.2013.0205.

Smookler, Elaine. “A Guided Walking Meditation to Connect with Your Senses.” Mindful.org, Mindful, 24 Aug. 2020, www.mindful.org/a-guided-walking-meditation-to-connect-with-your-senses/.

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