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Cultivating Your Inner Sanctuary: A Guide to Personal Rituals for Mental Wellbeing

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Cultivating Your Inner Sanctuary: A Guide to Person Rituals for Mental Wellbeing

In the last post, I shared potential benefits of incorporating rituals into your life, whether for honoring, celebrating, or mourning. 

Here are some considerations to guide you in creating your own personal ritual:

Set Your Intention:

Begin by clarifying the purpose or intention of your ritual. What do you hope to achieve or symbolize through this ritual? Why does creating this ritual feel important to you? What are you hoping to connect with further through this ritual: yourself, your community, your ancestors, nature? Your intention will serve as the foundation for the entire process.

Choose a Meaningful Time, Place and Structure:

Select a specific time and place for your ritual that holds personal significance. Consider factors such as privacy, comfort, and the connection between the location and your intention. Decide on the sequence of actions or steps you will take. Consider including elements like opening and closing statements, meditation, or specific actions to represent your intention.

Prepare Mentally, Emotionally and Physically to be Present:

Take time to center yourself and clear your mind before the ritual. Many rituals start with a cleansing or grounding act to clear negative energy or distractions. This could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, lighting incense, or practicing mindfulness or meditation to create a focused and receptive state of mind. What does it look like to be physically present in your body during this ritual? Does engaging the senses, such as through scent or touch, make this a more embodied practice for you?

Engage in Symbolic Action:

Symbolic actions can help convey complex or intangible ideas, emotions, or beliefs in a tangible and concrete way. For example, if your intention is to let go of the past, you might symbolize this by releasing a bird, burning a written statement, or placing a stone in a river. What symbols ground you in your personal or cultural beliefs? 

Reflect and Contemplate:

Spend time in reflection or meditation to connect with your intention on a deeper level. Consider the significance of your actions and how they relate to your life or goals.

Closing the Ritual:

Bring the ritual to a close with a closing statement or action that signifies the end of the ceremony. This can help you transition back to everyday life. You may use this as an opportunity to express gratitude for the opportunity to create this ritual, or to acknowledge the origins of the practices you’re engaging in.

Adapt and Evolve:

Over time, you may find that your rituals evolve or change to reflect your shifting intentions or personal growth. Be open to adapting your rituals as needed. 

Remember that rituals are deeply personal and can take many forms. The key is to create a ritual that resonates with you and aligns with your intention, fostering a sense of meaning, connection, and personal growth in your life. When planning rituals for processing intense emotions, consider working with a therapist to design your ritual and have a place to process the painful emotions that may come up. Therapy can be a great space for further support, processing transition, identity, grief, and meaningful life practices. 

References and Further Resources:

Collett, K. (n.d.). Using rituals in your grief journey. Sage Therapy Blog. 

https://www.sagetherapychicago.com/post/after-youve-experienced-a-serious-loss-using

-rituals-in-your-grief-journey 

The Artists’ Grief Deck: https://griefdeck.com/

Nurturing Mind and Soul: The Benefits of Incorporating Rituals into Your Mental Health Practice

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Nurturing Mind and Soul: The Benefits of Incorporating Rituals into Your Mental Health Practice

A ritual is “a symbolic activity that is performed before, during, or after a meaningful event”. Rituals are purposeful, symbolic, and emotionally resonant actions or practices that are deeply meaningful to a person or community. They provide the structure of a routine, yet place greater emphasis on the process itself, and one’s presence with the emotions, sensations, and intentional depth that come with the ritual. They can be elaborate or simple, spiritual or secular.

Rituals are the soul’s way of grounding, a dance of the spirit in the rhythm of life. Ritual is resonant. Humming, buzzing, thrumming. Pattern, presence, purification. Messy, mighty, memory. Heavy abundance, rooted and swaying, light as whisper. Taste of ceremony. Glow of reverence.  In each movement we pause. To celebrate. To mourn. To connect. To separate. To nourish. To breathe.

Why might you consider incorporating rituals into your mental health practice?

Psychological Benefits

The psychological benefits of rituals include reducing anxiety, enhancing feelings of control, providing structure, and fostering a sense of security and predictability. Rituals can help with emotional regulation and serve as coping mechanisms, as well. They can be grounding and soothing, offering a sense of comfort during moments of stress or crisis.

Connection to Culture or Religion

Rituals are deeply ingrained in all cultures and religions, contributing to a sense of community and shared identity. Communal rituals, such as religious ceremonies or cultural celebrations, can foster a sense of belonging and social support, which contribute to overall mental well-being. Maintaining cultural connections through rituals, especially for individuals living in diaspora or multicultural contexts, can foster a sense of personal identity and connection with present or ancestral members of one’s community. 

Devon Williams of the Squamish Nation speaks to her practice of Shukw’um (spiritual bathing) as reclamation of a tradition her family had lost through the generational effects of colonial laws: “As I am sitting in the water and pouring the water over myself, I am visualizing the darkness coming off of my body and being released into the water and not carrying it anymore – letting it go so I don’t have to hold it anymore and carry it in life.” Ritual reclamation can take other forms, as well. People who have experienced trauma from religious environments may choose to utilize ritual to reclaim practices that were otherwise meaningful.

Grief Rituals

Rituals can facilitate the process of grieving and healing following serious loss like a long-term relationship or death of a loved one. Creating a deliberate, structured, time-limited grief practice can make sitting with overwhelming emotions feel more accessible. The act of ritual can serve to honor the relationship or legacy of the loss and help you to maintain a healthy connection to it if you so desire. As bell hooks would say, memories serve to sustain us beyond death through “rituals of regard and recollection.” Conversely, grief rituals can serve as an act of letting go.

Transition and Change

There’s a reason so many communities, cultures, and religions mark significant transitions with rituals, such as births, marriages, and changing seasons. These rituals provide a framework for processing change and expressing emotions. Rituals can help you navigate other major life transitions, such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or entering a new phase of life. Rituals can provide a sense of closure and empowerment during times of change. 

Ritual in Relationships

Rituals can play a role in building and maintaining healthy relationships. Partners, families, and friends can use rituals to strengthen connections, foster trust and vulnerability, express love, and move through conflict. Rituals within relationships may be every time you visit your friend who moved away, you re-watch your favorite movie together, or a family tradition of making your grandmother’s meatball recipe every year. You and your partner may have a time you set aside every week to check in and be present with each other.

Rituals for Community and Social Change 

Collective rituals within social movements ground communities in a sense of solidarity and purpose. Whether one conceptualizes protest as ritual or engages in community readings of voices from a movement’s history, community ritual can be grounding, rooting, nourishing, energizing, uplifting. Rabbi Jessica Shimberg speaks to the role of ritual in commitment to the deliberate action required for creating conditions for change: “Ritual and orchestrated communal action are an antidote to the hubris that causes us to act alone or the anger that can cause us to behave impulsively. They also can provide us with the strength and conviction to act when we might, alone, feel powerless or overwhelmed.”

Personal Identity and Growth

Rituals don’t have to be connected to religion or spirituality; they can reflect individual values, beliefs, and identity. You may use ritual for a mindfulness practice, focusing on developing nonjudgmental awareness through mindful eating, walking, or breathing exercises. As an artist or creator you may engage in rituals to foster creativity and inspiration, such as journaling. Whether it’s a daily practice or centered on specific circumstances, whether you believe ritual will bring what you desire into your life, want to bring clarity to your goals, foster a sense of gratitude or self-love, or connect with nature, rituals can be a powerful tool for personal growth and well-being.

In closing, rituals have a profound impact on our well-being. In an upcoming post, we’ll delve into the practical aspects of crafting personal rituals. 

References and Further Resources: 

Gino, F. (2013, May 14). Why rituals work. Scientific American. 

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-rituals-work/ 

hooks, bell. (1990). Belonging: A Culture of Place. 

S2 ep5: Healing traditions. Emergent Liberation Collective. (2021, September 13). 

https://emergentliberationcollective.libsyn.com/s2-ep5-healing-traditions  

Shimberg, J. (2022, March 22). How ritual grounds us for activism. T’ruah. 

https://truah.org/resources/parshat-shmini-jessica-shimber-moraltorah/ 

 

5 Tips For Self-Care

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“Self-care” can be a bit of an elusive term. Wellness culture often markets self-care with photos of bubble baths, candles, or sitting in nature. But what does it mean to actually practice nurturing yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally? 

Below are some self-care tips, habits and mindsets to begin your self-care journey!

  1. Consider Your Schedule 

Reflect on what you sacrifice when your stress levels rise. If you have a tough week at work, what do you forgo for yourself? Is it sleep? Is it meal prepping? Is it canceling your daily walk or skipping reading before bed to get more work done? 

Try to re-order your tasks around a few small things that you know you need for your own sanity. For example, maybe meal-prepping and eating healthy is something you depend on to feel your best. So, on specific days early in the week you limit your availability past a certain time of the evening. Then, you designate that time, on those days, for prepping a week’s worth of healthy food. Or, maybe your phone goes on do-not-disturb an hour before bed regardless of what you have going on so you have time to wind down and get the full 8 hours you need to perform your best. 

  1. Keep In Mind: You Are Important

Remember that other people’s expectations are not bigger or more important than what you need for yourself. In our day and age, technology has enabled a culture of availability. Quick, easy modes of communication have made us believe we must be accessible to everyone, all the time. This is not the case. To take care of yourself, your needs and relationship with yourself must be a priority. It’s difficult to deliver for others if you do not treat self-care as a worthwhile endeavor. 

  1.  Know Your Intangible Worth 

Because “grind” culture messaging tells us that our worth is equal to our productivity, self-care can sometimes feel silly because it doesn’t “produce” anything tangible. But your energy levels and well-being, which you need for productivity, become increased when you build in time for relaxation or fun. Remember that productivity relies on building your stores of physical and social energy by spending time on hobbies or even time doing nothing. Doing nothing is so important sometimes, but very beneficial! 

  1.  Get organized 

A clear mind needs clear space. If your things are orderly, your calendar is orderly, and you can visualize the days ahead of you, your mind will have more space for more things. Your capacity for tasks, conversations, and new opportunities will grow! See our article on decluttering your space here. 

  1.  Find your outlets 

Each week, find a way to both be active and relax. Plan it into your schedule. Maybe it’s a walk or run and then a certain TV show, or a hike on the weekend and crafting one night after work. Either way, find one or two things that you can do during the week that you enjoy and slowly work them into your schedule as priorities. Hopefully, this will add some elements of joy and some important recharging time into your week. 

References

Davis, Tchiki. “Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself.” Psychology Today, 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself.

Mental Health America. “Taking Good Care of Yourself.” Mental Health America, mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself.

Demystifying The Language of Therapy

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Demystifying the Language of Therapy

Therapy might seem daunting, and that’s to be expected! It might seem like there is a whole other world of feeling language and phrases used in healing spaces that aren’t commonly used in everyday speech.  We are here to help you demystify the language of therapy, by breaking down some of the terms we commonly use in the therapy space. 

Radical Acceptance 

 Radical acceptance is different from everyday acceptance. Radical acceptance means consciously trying to accept an outcome you are struggling to move past (a certain event, trauma, or loss). 

For example, in an oversimplified analogy, you might find yourself in a situation where a partner has broken up with you. Lack of acceptance might involve thinking things like, “this isn’t fair,” “this shouldn’t have happened,” “this should have played out differently,” “why is this happening to me,” etc. Your relationship to the event is defined by refusing to accept what happened or being unable to let go of how something happened. Practicing radical acceptance will guide you toward a thinking pattern that more closely resembles, “this event happened, now what does this mean for my life, my emotional state, or my perception of myself?” 

Radical acceptance is not the same as forgiveness or excusing trauma or abuse as “okay.” It is not applicable in any situation that is abusive or dangerous. Instead, radical acceptance is coming to terms with something and leaning into healing with the acceptance that whatever has happened cannot be changed. 

Doing the Work: 

Doing the work refers to each person having their own emotional work to do depending on their individual circumstances. For example, working with a therapist on learning to live in the present, taking stock of your emotions and sorting through experiences to process them in a healthy way. This might also look like reevaluating your lifestyle, work environment, relationships, etc. and reflecting upon the boundaries or what is/isn’t serving you. In the context of relationships, “doing the work” might involve learning how to pause and consider how you respond to different triggers or how to react to those around you in more productive ways. It almost always involves sitting in some discomfort, but the goal is to get closer to yourself and develop a more fulfilling lifestyle. 

Holding Space: 

Holding space means being present for someone in an emotional, physical, and mental capacity. The person in that space can then process, acknowledge, and experience their emotions as fully as possible. You can do this for yourself or someone else. Your therapist does this for you at every session! This is an active process of being an engaged and empathetic listener. 

A critical part of holding space is reserving judgment and facing that person (or yourself) with compassion, love, and kindness, as well as leaving expectations at the door. This allows the space to be genuinely vulnerable and honest. If you are holding space for someone, you would avoid asserting your advice over their healing process and allow them to be as they are. Holding space isn’t a time for centering yourself, unless you’re doing it for yourself or someone else is holding space for you. It isn’t a time for problem solving, it is a space to just be. 

Cognitive Reframing: 

Reframing is a tool and therapeutic technique used for providing alternative mindsets and viewing difficult situations in new ways. If a negative thought pattern persists, it can be helpful to find a new view of the situation at hand. The reframe may be more neutral or more positive in nature. Reframing can make a conflict be it internal or external, clearer and easier to approach. Imagine someone has lost their job or a potential employment opportunity didn’t work out. Reframing might involve thinking, “What has this experience taught me about myself and others? What doors have been opened as a result of this one closing?” It also may involve challenging negative thoughts that the person may have about themselves and their experience. 

To clarify, this does not mean invalidating someone’s experience and telling them to just “be more positive.” Reframing requires readiness to see from a different viewpoint, that also comes from the person doing the work, not necessarily the therapist or another person involved. Offering an alternative perspective must involve compassionately recognizing the validity of where one’s emotional state is at any given moment.  

References

Clark, Arthur. “Reframing: A Therapeutic Technique in Group Counseling.” The Journal for Specialists in Group Work, vol. 23, no. 1, 31 Jan. 2008. Taylor & Francis Online.

Cuncic, Arlin. “What Is Radical Acceptance?” Verywell Mind, 26 May 2021, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-radical-acceptance-5120614.

Hall, Karyn. “Radical Acceptance.” Psychology Today, 8 July 2012, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance.

Hanson, Aniesa. “What “Doing the Work” in Therapy Looks Like.” Aniesa Hanson Counseling – Tampa Counseling, 16 July 2019, aniesahanson.com/what-doing-the-work-in-therapy-looks-like/#:~:text=Here%27s%20what%20%E2%80%9CDoing%20The%20Work%E2%80%9D%20may%20look%20like%20in%20therapy%3A&text=Knowing%20how%20observe%20all%20of.

Morin, Amy. “How Cognitive Reframing Is Used in Mental Health.” Verywell Mind, 2019, www.verywellmind.com/reframing-defined-2610419.

Taylor, Melanie. “What It Really Means to Hold Space for Yourself.” Life of Wellness Institute, 12 Sept. 2018, www.lifeofwellness.ca/2018/09/12/what-it-really-means-to-hold-space-for-yourself/.

Vora, Ellen. “What It Means to “Do the Work.”” Ellen Vora, MD, 5 Feb. 2020, ellenvora.com/what-it-means-to-do-the-work/.

“What “Holding Space” Means + 5 Tips to Practice.” G&STC, Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center: The Psychotherapy Group, 17 Jan. 2021, www.gstherapycenter.com/blog/2020/1/16/what-holding-space-means-5-tips-to-practice#:~:text=%E2%80%9CHolding%20space%E2%80%9D%20means%20being%20physically.

BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month

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Heavy, misunderstood, traumatizing, challenging, layered, confusing, unfair, unjust, draining. These words can be used to describe the lived experiences of Black people, Indigenous people, and People of Color. Our experience isn’t just about our individual lives, families of origin and procreation, and the community that we “choose” to live in. No. Our experiences are influenced by systemic injustices, years of oppression, and overt and covert discrimination.  This July, and every month of the year for that matter, it is imperative that we honor the experiences of Black, Indigenous, and all People of Color here in America.  

As opposed to ladling you with the alarming statistics about how suicide, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and alcoholism are continuing to soar in these communities, including the children of our communities, I’m going to share with you ways that we can rally, retreat, support, care for, and uplift one another toward better mental health! Let’s change the narrative from hopeless to healed!

  1. Understand that systemic and generational trauma has an impact on your life. Then you can better choose how to heal, moving from surviving to thriving. 
  2. Putting your own oxygen mask on first is not selfish, it is self-preservation. Taking care of your own mind, body, soul, and spirit will equip you to care for others in your community more effectively. This includes setting boundaries, practicing self-care, being honest with your own wants and needs. 
  3. Do things that spark joy in your life. What makes you laugh, dance, sing, create? What inspires you? Whatever it is, make space for it often. 
  4. Celebrate and support one another. We have been taught that there is only space for one person of color in many arenas that we show up in. This is not true. See beyond what you have been taught and told that was born out of oppression and fear. See that there is space and help others find their own space too. 
  5. Process your thoughts and feelings. This can be done in the safety of therapy. There is great power in the therapeutic process. Allowing someone else to hold space for you, bear witness to your story, and journey with you to make meaning and gain clarity is tremendously healing. 

We, at Congruence Counseling Group, see you and hear you! If you need a safe space to process, talk, explore, engage, we are here for you!